so, its come to the end

So. Here we are. Weird, isn't it? Feels a bit like when you have to do a big massive family goodbye after a heavy christmas, but kind of when you know the car isn't quite packed yet, you might bump into Aunty Pam in the hall 5 minutes after doing the big 'goodbye and thanks for the comb' thing with her, and so you keep it all quite short and jovial just in case, even though you might very well never ever see them again. Until next Christmas. Thats how I'm feeling about doing my final NY post.

And yes I finally did it. I promised I would, so I did- yesterday a pyschic came up to me and Lyds on the street and insisted that there was something about my past she just had to know more about. And by 'know more about', she of course meant 'let you pay for me to know more about'. It was 5 dollars, she said. Funnily enough I had a 5 dollar bill in my hand. Fate? God? L.Ron Hubbard? who knows. But you blog munchers demanded it, and so I could do nothing except obey.
So. Whats in my future? Who bloody knows. What a jip. Why do I keep letting strangers tell me how much is wrong with my personality? Last week or whatever it was my graph mirror that was getting me down in team Scientology, this week its my aura. Oh yeah, my aura is pretty bad. It should be gold, and apparently mine is grey. GREY. But, I was to discover, there was at least a logical reason for this.
'When you were concieved, somebody put a curse on your parents. A curse!'
Oh right.
'Its because of this curse that you live your life under this terrible negativity. You can feel it right? Right under your ribs?'
I could feel something. But I'm pretty sure it was a sinking feeling of wondering how much icecream i could have eaten for my five dollars worth. But still, stick it out eh?
'so my parents were... were cursed?'
She nodded seriously, staring at my palm.
'Oh dear.. thats.. thats rubbish. Erm. who cursed them?'
She peered at my hand. I did the same. Unless the culprits were called creasy mcfinger nail and Thumbs Wristington, I didn't think I would be able to see a name. Apparently she felt the same.
'I cant see right now. The negativity blocking it is too strong. You need.. you need. You need salt. From the seven seas. And a crystal. Only then, when I help you, will you be rid of this curse.'
I had a feeling this wasn't an offer for a charity cleansing.
'How much money do you have to start this journey?'
I was right. I smiled quite firmly, and said 'Oh, none. I'm afraid. None at all.'
'I can see in your face you are about to come into come money!'
Oh well thats very convienient.
'Yes, well, even so, I think I'll just live.. as I am.. for now. Thank you though. For the offer.'
'You dont want to find them? Find the ones who put the curse upon you? Caused your aura such pain?'
'n....no. Not. Not right now. I'm flying home in a couple of days so.. so that'll... you know, take up quite a lot of my time. Thanks again.'
OH though. She did tell me something else. Something MUCH better and really relieved a lot of worries that had been building up in my head. She told me that the person I'm in a relationship with now is the person i'm going to marry, and we're going to have two children. What a load off my mind. Anyone whose been wondering how it's all going to end with me and Jack- worry no more. Its all sorted. Though sadly, Jack didn't seem quite as excited as I'd hoped when I explained all this to him on skype later. When I told proudly how we were scientifically destined to marry and have two children, he replied with
'yeah, I probably don't even have swimmers.'
Which rather put a dampner on things. What the hell kind of celebration is that? Oh well. If she's as good a psychic as I think she is, we'll see who's laughing in the end.

Since I've come to the end of my 6 week jaunt into the loud unknown, I feel that now is a good time to reflect upon what has passed, and perhaps try and draw up some useful things I have discovered for the future. God. Can't believe its been 6 weeks since Abdahl offered me that Tuna wrap. This is pure and utter madess. Here we go then, lets see what happens here.

1. If you need a chat, head for a park and try and do something very much on your own- Company will find you.
2. Violins are a very bad impulse buy- especially for the surrounding customers.
3. Friends can come from unlikely places, including inside walls.
4. Piles of wood are sacred in some cultures.
5. Fish are brilliant.
6. Engrams are terrible
7. You can pay to watch penguins swim about in poo- other penguins' poo.
8. There are disadvantages to not having a full length mirror- Naked based disadvantages
9. There are advantages to not having a full length mirror- potentially lucrative naked advantages.
10. The smell of franchised joy can make you do anything
11. Yellow shoes should be given to those only with the power to control them.
12. Line drawings of girls on ponies can be the most disturbing thing you've ever seen- in the correct massive eye context.
13. Lydia King knows how to do New York properly.
14. I simply know how to find the mentals.
15. The King of the Jews is alive and well and awaiting a court hearing.
16. There is so much loud in New York that the sound of a weeping lesbian becomes more background humming than anything.
17. Never begin a conversation with a stranger with the words 'were you the one who raped...'
18. In theory- I care about cricket.
19. Massive pants can be strangely liberating.
20. Buying a cell phone can sometimes be classed as unwanted therapy.
and finally, of course
21. Never accept a tuna wrap from a stranger. Who knows what else you might be accepting.

Thank you, those who are reading, to have cared enough about my exploits to have come with me to the bitter end. For those who didnt read every post, you are a bastard. And you probably should.

Who knows, I might continue it on, though I'd imagine its a lot trickier blogging about the people you spent time with, when they are the people that read it. Hmmm.

For the last time then, this is Natasha Yak, fledgling scientologist, amateur nude model and head journalist at Hamlet and Cheese Sandwich, signing off. I'll see you on the other side.

xxx