Thank Goodness, eh?

Welcome, you glittery little handbag you,

Its what you've all been waiting for. The Return of Natasha Yak.

Whilst I trekked the crazy town that was noo york city, with nothing but a dodgy accent, a see through dress and a song in my hair, I never imagined I'd have such an impact on the world. Tens, literally tens of you joined me on my quest, and I like to believe, bonded not only with me, but with each other, along the way. Relationships were kindled, my mum nearly had several heart attacks, I still have a few tender answermachine messages from Abdahl- there's talk of a motion picture, but lets not get ahead of ourselves.

So, after 6 weeks of Manhatten Madness, what could possibly tempt a sprightly young reader such as yourself to delve back into the reccesses of my mind? Well. Sure you've had the secrets of New York displayed like a naked sandwich, but what about the secrets of... Warrington? And possibly even Wigan- (Mum might need me to go with her to the vets later- my dog Barney is getting seriously skilled at weeing on antiques). Yeah? YEAH!

Ok I'll be honest. I'm bored. I'm dangerously bored. And I have a dissertation due in less than a month. The only thing that makes any sense is to start a blog. And anyway, I have a few bones to pick with this so called planet 'earth' (if that is its real name), that I'd like opinions on. So consider this my page of me talking about things that probably don't really matter, but DO actually matter in a massive way. And if I somehow end up near Astley or Bootle, so much the better. (Those reading from the South- dont worry. These places you've never heard of can't come and get you.)

So. I'd like to raise a question.

There's been a lot of films lately focussing on the 'bromance'- I'm talking the Judd Apattow films, the Knocked Up, Superbad, The Hangover. We've all seen them, we've all laughed, cried, all wondered at how a cinema can physically charge £5.80 for a box of 7 nachos and some cheese sauce and not consider itself a criminal establishment. My question is, and I know it seems obvious but I dont care, where are the girls? really? A Judd Apatow film (not including Funny People, which i've not seen) seems to go thusly-

A weird looking but hilarious guy + Another fatter weird looking but hilarious guy + A slightly disapproving but unbelievably attractive girl + an adventure she has no part in= Lots of male bonding, drunken frolicking and the happy conclusion of sex to come.

Is this an unfair judgement? I realise the 'point' of these films isn't 'wahey, all the genders ROCK! Every one of them!' But I do wonder why these film-makers don't seem to have any friends who are girls. It is because they are 'geeks but awesome in their own way'? Cos I gotta say, I have a lot of geekish but awesome in their own way boy friends, who I love and honour dearly not only as a human, but qutie literally as a girl. Is this a strange and freakish occurance, or have I been deluding myself all these years? When I walk out of a room to get beer or crisps, or a pen, or any number of the small objections that can fit inside my tiny girlish hands, do people turn and ask 'ok sure she exists, there's no doubt about that, but seriously, why is she here?'

The only reason I ask this question is because I had a conversation with some male friends whilst we were getting ready to go out to manchestaaa, where we were discussing the film 'The Hangover'. I merely stated that I didn't think the film was hilarious, more a jazzed up version of 'Dude, where's my car?' - a claim that I dont think is massively unfair. Come on. It wasn't that good. The bit with the tiger was pretty cool. And thats about it. And I was shot down like a mis-directed sparrow-hawk being attacked by a squid. The criticism was that 'you're a girl, so you don't really understand nights out like that.' Admittedly, the person who said these words is a complete moron. But it did get me thinking (NOT like Carrie Twat. NOT EVER LIKE HER)

I'm not questioning whether girls have the capacity to act like complete dicks, be freakin hilarious, drink, vomit, bond and looking like complete arseholes in front of the people they are attempting to seduce. I know this to be true. I painfully, shamefully, scars-on-my-legs-and-arms-and-more-importantly-in-my-soul know this to be horrifyingly true. My question is, why doesn't the world? Are these films just not getting written, do you reckon? Genuinely?

Personally, I have a theory:
that men and women will never be equal until boys believe, and i mean really, properly believe, in their minds and brains, that women poo. Simple as that. Until that toilet pedestal gets knocked down, the women of show bizzz and the women in boy's hearts will be the ones with the shiny teeth, the hair of spun gold and no history of bowel movements. Yeah sure, you can make pay the same, you can fight for women's sports, you can do all of these things that I can't think of another example for. But I'm telling you now. Until boys relinquish the poo-secret, we ladies aint got nothin.

Perhaps next time I shall have a tale to tell of Birchwood Asda and its hidden fascist depths, or the truth behind the Gregg's sausage and bean pasty, but until then, its just an angry rant about the lack of my people on the big screen. Carrie Twat and Co Do Not Count. Any takers?

Yakky x