The joys of renting

Now, the eagle eyed amongt my following may have noticed there was no post yesterday. This was for a very simple reason. I can sum up the things that happened to me in about 4 points-
1. I had some quite nice soup
2. I got really excited when I saw a bar I thought was called 'The Tash Bar', but in fact it was called 'The Trash Bar'
3. I somehow got lost for about 2 hours on 4 streets.

How depressing. I didn't even need the fourth point.
My problem is that when it rains, I lose all motivation to explore closed exhibitions, to wander aimlessly on roads for hours, to talk to passing tramps, to bascially do all the things I do so well. And the upshot is I have few to zero stories to tell. Although I did talk to a Pastor in a biker bar last night who, although was really nice, did unfortunately use the phrase 'I have loads of tattoos, and you know, I still believe in Jesus!'.

Still. Not really blog worthy stuff, you understand. So I thought I'd use this soggy lull to fill you in on my living sitation. I moved in yesterday to the apartment I will be staying in for the next 4 and a half week. To be completely honest, the reason I chose this place was two fold. It was cheap. And the guy who was selling it seemed really nice. On looking back now, perhaps not the best criteria.

I have been here one day so far, and have discovered the following- I am living with two lesbians (a lezzog couple.. perhaps they will try and entice me? I hear thats generally what lezzogs do and I am, after all, a babe magnet.) An autistic dog called Ollie who refuses to be stroked no matter how hard I try and sit on him to make him stop moving, a very angry Nanny called, as far as my understanding goes, 'Nimmy', and a banker. Who wears a suit and generally looks as though he feels a bit out of place. Which isn't completely strange because, to be honest, he looks a bit out of place. By the time I went to bed, I was pretty happy that I now knew everyone who lived here. Including me, that made 6 of us. Lovely. Sadly, I was in for rather a surprise. It turns out I have one more housemate and I discovered him in the middle of the night. I say 'discover', I didn't actually meet him, I just heard him. In the wall.

Upon waking, I hoped quite hard that I was just going slowly mad. But oh no, God just has to spit into my bathwater once again. Lesbian 1 (she's actually called Sarah but innocently labelling people makes stories clearer) came into the flat today at around 5, and said, really quite casually. 'Oh, by the way, there's an exterminator coming tomorrow'. I stop drinking my luke warm tea (did you realise the microwave water here? MICROWAVE it. Cos kettles don't exist), and say, quite casually back 'Oh. Ok cool. erm... why?'
She shugs, rather casually, and says 'oh, something to with Brendon's room,' and then she adds, comfortingly and in quite a casual way 'but its not a rat.'
Never in the world has the phrase 'its not a rat' inspired less confidence.
'Oh, ok' I say extrememly casually, 'erm, yeah, I thought I heard some stratching last night. In the wall.'
She laughs ever so casually and says 'yeah. I think its a squirrel. An exterminator came last week and put some poison down, but there's no poop so its not a rat. They think its a squirrel'.
Now I'm no vet, but I never realised that squirrels couldn't poo.
I casually think to myself with rising casual fear that lovely Brendon, lovely lovely Brendon who was so lovely and wanted to rent to me for such a cheap price, never mentioned the exterminator. Oh Brendon. I'm going to poo in your bed before you return.
'So he's coming tomorrow morning.' She shuffles about a bit. 'If thats cool?'
'Thats really cool' I say, fighting the urge to go and shake my pairs of jeans for rats. 'Thats so cool.'
she nods. And casually wanders off, to her squirrel/rat/demon free room.

Oh dear. Anyone who fancies a chat around 4am American time, just let me know. Cos I'm pretty sure I'll be awake.